Why Vulnerability in Romantic Relationships Leads to Opportunities for Growth

It is often easier for some people to be more vulnerable than others. Maybe you are a bit more closed off than your partner. It could be due to a traumatic experience in the past, a string of bad relationships, or perhaps it is just your personality. 

Whatever the case, vulnerability just does not come naturally to some. 

But, if you find yourself having trouble with vulnerability, it could be causing your relationship to feel a bit stagnant. The reality is, a romantic relationship can only go so far without intimacy. And intimacy requires vulnerability. 

That does not mean your relationship is “doomed” or that you cannot grow closer as a couple. But being able to open up a bit more to your partner and to essentially “let them in” can make a big difference. 

So, how can vulnerability lead to growth within your relationship? And how can you be more vulnerable to foster that growth?

The Struggle with Vulnerability

Vulnerability and fear often go hand-in-hand. Many people who have a hard time being vulnerable are struggling with a fear of failure, disappointment, or judgment. If you are in a serious romantic relationship with someone, the idea of opening up may make you nervous. You might wonder if they will look at you differently or think less of you somehow. 

Unfortunately, staying closed off often creates more problems in a relationship. Your partner might think you are cold or hiding something from them. At the very least, as stated above, it is hard for a relationship to grow and move forward if both people are not willing to be themselves completely. 

That does not mean you need to reveal your deepest, darkest secrets overnight. But finding little ways of opening up and showing vulnerability can make you feel more connected to your partner. 

How to Embrace Vulnerability

If you are someone who has struggled with vulnerability, there are a few things you can do to embrace it and act upon it within your relationship. 

1. Express Your Needs

Ask for the things you need from your partner. If you’re struggling in any capacity, believe that they want to help. It can be scary to open yourself up when you are in pain for fear of making it worse. But, if someone loves and cares about you, they will do whatever they can to help you get through your struggles. 

2. Share Your Emotions

Be willing to share your feelings, no matter what. When you are happy about something, tell your partner about it. If you are scared, upset, or sad, tell them why. Your relationship cannot grow and you may have a hard time getting through disagreements if your partner does not know what you are really thinking or feeling. 

3. Work at Being Present

Practice being in the moment with your partner. One reason some people tend to struggle with vulnerability is that they allow themselves to spend too much time in their own thoughts. You might be thinking about the problems of the past that are impacting your present. Or, you might be worried about how your partner will see you if you truly open up. 

By staying focused on the here and now, you are less likely to worry about those things. That can make it easier to speak your truth and be yourself. As a result, the weight you have been carrying will be lifted from your shoulders. And, in turn, it is more likely that you and your partner can have an open, honest conversation that will bring you closer. 

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Vulnerability is something that can be learned if you are open to it. If you struggle with vulnerability and you feel it is impacting your relationship, feel free to contact me to learn more about Marriage & Couples Counseling.