Emotionally Focused Therapy: What You Need to Know & Why it Works
How strong is the bond you share with your partner? Are you and your partner struggling to stay connected? Does “drifting apart” seem like an adequate description of what’s happening between you?
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) may be the help you and your partner long for.
What is Emotionally Focused Therapy?
EFT is a treatment method dedicated to addressing the emotions between relationship partners. The primary goal is to create more positive feelings. With support, you can improve closeness, increase emotional safety, and experience a deeper capacity for addressing problematic emotions and relationship stressors. EFT solidifies your attachment to each other, thereby heightening mutual relationship satisfaction.
What is the Primary Aim of EFT?
Overall, the goal of EFT is to help you both create more positive connections. During therapy, you might spend time
• addressing the way you respond to each other on an emotional level.
• considering new perspectives about the way you interact with one another.
• feeling more empowered and safe to share with each other. This promotes trust and appreciation.
The main idea? To learn to work together. All for the sake of changing hurtful, inconsiderate, or unhelpful interactions during periods of stress. This way, you stop the negative response cycle. You create a new relationship standard. One that positively reinforces caring and deep confidence in your bond.
What Does the Emotionally Focused Therapy Process Look Like?
Basically, couples who participate in EFT will be guided through 9 key steps. If you both commit to the process, you and your partner would be asked to:
1. Identify the relationship problems that concern you most.
2. Acknowledge how underlying problems and patterns exacerbate conflict and disagreements when they arise.
3. Work with your therapist to detect negative thoughts, emotions, and fears you’ve both attached to the relationship.
4. Allow the therapist to reframe those problems, negative thought patterns, and your partner’s needs.
5. Accept help expressing your emotional needs.
6. Receive guidance for better understanding, acceptance, and compassion for your partner and their needs.
7. Learn how to express your needs and emotions with a clearer understanding of how they could be contributing to your relationship conflict.
8. Integrate new forms of communication so that you can productively discuss problems and cooperatively solve them.
9. Practice the tools you’ve learned. Work out a plan to further develop your new communication habits consistently throughout your relationship.
Working Through the EFT Process
Clearly, these nine EFT steps are ongoing and meant to become a relationship skillset, not a temporary fix. Thus, expect the process to take time and commitment. Still, it is well worth the work for both you and your partner to uncover underlying problems develop the strength to face them. Facing the anxiety-triggers that continue to interfere in your happiness takes courage. It takes a willingness to accept help.
Additionally, beyond your counseling sessions, you will meet face-to-face regularly as a couple. This is time to hone your listening skills, be attentive, and acknowledge your perspectives. Your therapist will provide direction regarding these “practice sessions” so that they speak to your unique needs.
How Do You Know if EFT is for You?
There are several kinds of couples who benefit greatly from Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples. Would you? Ask yourselves:
•Do we have had longstanding resentments between us?
•Are we constantly struggling to express our emotions to each other in a healthy manner?
•Do our loved ones witness our arguments and conflict too often?
If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, it may be time to rebuild your connection. A stable, trusting relationship supports a safer, happier life for you and those who love you.
Please read more about EFT and marriage & couples counseling. When you’re ready, we would love to schedule a consultation.